Adagio-Allegro Molto in E minor: A Possible Reality
(from the Notebook of the Cat-Dog)

“As you know, madness is like gravity…all it takes is a little push.”
The Joker in the role of Heath Ledger (or was it the reverse?)

Nobody knows for sure how it all started. Not even the Tercios Compas [Zapatista media], who took up the task of reconstructing the sequence of events, could pinpoint the exact moment and event in which the story I’m about to tell you began.

According to one version, SubGaleano is responsible for everything. Others say SubGaleano only started it and it was Subcomandante Insurgente Moisés who took it to completion.

See, what happened was that in one of his texts, SubGaleano mentioned a February 2011 program in which the journalist Carmen Aristegui asked if then-president Felipe Calderón Hinojosa was an alcoholic, and added that the nation should be informed about the health of the president. She was fired in retaliation. Up to that point in the story there is no disagreement—and you can confirm that’s what happened by referring to news articles from that time.

The problem really begins when SubGaleano added something like, “Madness, as pointed out by a misunderstood sage of the human soul, is like gravity: all it takes is a little push. To hold Power unlawfully is just that irresistible push that all those above long for, and it begins with three simple words, “I rule here.” If you think anyone in the media is going to question whether the current president is lacking in any of his mental faculties (let’s be clear, he didn’t say “crazy”), don’t hold your breath, because nobody will dare to do so.”

The next day, in the quasi-divine light that is that likely lunatic’s morning press conference,[i] someone from the press dared to ask what he thought of the above comments. He remained silent, although his face contorted in anger and he ended the press conference on the spot without explaining how exactly obeying Donald Trump’s orders benefited the country, or which country he was referring to when he said it would benefit it.  According to the president’s Communications Director, the boss (that’s what he called him) wasn’t feeling well due to a bit of a stomachache, likely the result of something he ate. The next morning, apparently feeling better, the boss supreme (that’s how the Communications Director referred to him) said that in his opinion, those who presented themselves as the radical left were merely rightwing radicals who hid behind ski-masks and whose movement was limited to four municipalities in the southeastern Mexican state of Chiapas. And that even that was only thanks to the economic support it got from the Illuminati. He also said that “Marcos” (that’s what he said) was actually in France. Paris, to be exact, according to official information.

SubGaleano responded with a  text describing the Plaza Pigalle with a level of detail that not even the Michelin Guide could match, noting the paradox of the existence of carnal sin in such proximity to the Sacré-Cœur that crowns Montmartre, and apologized for not being able to offer more information given that he was working in the “oldest profession in the book” (that’s how he put it) and had to attend to clients. Some even say that the Sup attached a photo showing off his shapely and well-toned legs. The 4T’s[ii] social media networks alleged that the image was photoshopped and the “sockhead” (that’s what they called him) wasn’t really that hot—although more than a few of them saved the image to a folder titled “Do not open even in case of my death.”

At the next morning’s press conference, the supreme leader attempted a modest self-criticism. He corrected himself by claiming that according to official information, the Sup was not actually in Paris but rather in Greece—Lesbos Island, to be precise. SubGaleano responded with another text describing the conditions there for undocumented migrants traveling to Europe, fleeing the wars fed by European governments.

The next day brought yet another correction in the morning press conference: “the Subcomedian (said the president) was actually, according to official information, in Australia. Lady Bay Beach in Sydney, to be precise. The Sup answered with a cheesy poem supposedly of his own authorship, one line of which read: the shadow diluted by the sea/ as if to die by light/ sleeplessness distant and moist/present, a dry hope… and a photo which common decency prevents me from describing. I can only tell you that the Sup had on his ski-mask, his cap, his pipe and that’s it (you get what I’m saying? I’m sure you do.)

The supreme leader exploded and that very afternoon tweeted that his patience (that of the supreme leader) was running out and he had everything ready to go implement the rule of law in “Chapas” (that’s how he wrote it) and put an end once and for all to the boasting by that “yarn-head’” (that’s the term he used). NOTIMEX[iii] corrected it to “in Chiapas” and in the social networks somebody timidly tweeted, “Uh, wasn’t he supposed to be in France-Greece-Australia?”

In the morning press conference, the “enlightened” one pulled out all the stops, declaring that he, the true leader, had the sacred mission of protecting the unstoppable path of the 4T and that “all options to this end are on my nightstand.” NOTIMEX corrected the transcription to read “on my office desk.”

That’s where Subcomandante Insurgente Moisés intervened, writing a brief communique that said: “You all are just another brick in the wall. We are one of many sledgehammers.”

The supreme boss, maximum leader, so long-awaited by all of us (he said “nosotros” in the press conference but NOTIMEX later added “and nosotras”) declared that he would not hesitate to instill order in his republic (NOTIMEX corrected it to “our republic”).

Subcomandante Insurgente Moisés responded saying, “You all are merely spittle in the sea of history. We are the sea of our dreams. All you are is dust in the wind. Ik O’tik (We are the wind).”

Everyone agrees that this is what set everything off. The supreme leader may be somewhat tolerant, but questioning his role in the History (capitalized) of the world was a step too far…

The LUE Law

Congress, in which the 4T held an overwhelming majority behind which the PVEM, the PAN, the PRI, and other mini-parties had lined up with patriotic fervor, gave fast track approval to the Law of Undesired Existence (LUE). Although the president had sent them the proposal just minutes before, the legislature understood immediately the juridical genius of the LUE—a light in the darkness, a beacon that would guide the country (it was never clarified which country) to a bright future. Ergo, they approved it by acclamation.

One section of the bill, as a logical consequence of the law that made it illegal for anyone to earn more than the president, made it illegal for anyone being more intelligent than the president. Anyone with an IQ higher than the beloved leader would be jailed or exiled from the country (what country the LUE referred to was never clarified). IQ tests were declared obligatory for the entire population in order to detect those in violation of the law. No one’s IQ should exceed that of the beloved, admired, and never fully appreciated leader, in which case 99.999% of the population would have been classified with the label “undesired existence” if it hadn’t been the case that…

People are so freaking ingenious. All over the internet and on the street you could buy a pill that inhibited your cognitive processes. “Don’t risk it, choose the safe option. It’s all legal, my friend,” the advertisements said. Also for sale were copies of the IQ test, although you had to pay extra if you wanted the incorrect answers included that would assure your safety. You could also sign up for test-prep courses where you learned how to score low.

Except for a 6-year-old girl who vomited up the pill, everyone successfully demonstrated that they were not more intelligent than the supreme leader. The little girl and her entire family were exiled, so that it couldn’t be said that the supreme leader separated kids [“hijos”] from their parents. NOTIMEX corrected “nor hijas.”

Another section prohibited atheism. Agnosticism would only be tolerated if it wasn’t made manifest in “word, thought, or deed.” The atheist population had to go underground, though not for long: someone alleged that atheism could be just as fanatical as any other religion. Thus the Permissible Religions Institute (PRI by its initials in English) incorporated atheism as a religion. Though classified far below other religions (including Light of the World,[iv] etc.) and of course far below AMLOism—that charming syncretism that combines various religions with Alfonso Reyes[v]—which wasn’t declared the official religion only out of a saintly sense of shame and virginal modesty.

What triggered everything, some said, was the section of the LUE that referred specifically to the population that self-identified as originary peoples, but which were often called “indigenous,” “Indians,” or “that rabble of indians,” etc. The law made it obligatory for speakers of strange languages (that’s what it said) to register themselves and relocate to concentration camps so as not to offend the rest of society with their presence. Their concentration would also facilitate the distribution of state handouts. Built with laudable foresight, the concentration camps included Elektra stores with Banco Azteca ATMs inside, so that “clients” could receive their government “aid” and spend it right then and there. The supreme leader thus achieved one of his foundational promises: to produce consumers for the products offered to the poor by Salinas Pliego.[vi] Rumor had it that these establishments were basically the 4T’s version of the company store.

As was to be expected, the Zapatista peoples refused this order and insisted on offending the dear leader. According to some versions, that was when Subcomandante Insurgente Moisés answered with a quote by Jacinto Canek, from Ermilo Abreu Gómez:

 “The prophesies of Nahua Pech, one of the five prophets of old, have come to pass. The whites will not be content with what they have. Nor with what they’ve won in the war. They will want even our meager food and our miserable huts. They will raise their hatred against us and will force us to take refuge in the hills and the backlands. Then, like ants, we will become scavengers and we will eat bad things, roots, jackdaws, crows, rats and locusts. And the rottenness of this food will fill our hearts with rancor and war will come.”[vii]

An “organic intellectual” of the 4T wrote a long essay in the newspaper supplement that he directs,  denouncing the Zapatistas’ opposition to the divine designs of the supreme leader as yet another Machiavellian calculation from “SubMarcos” (so he said) who thought that his timing was going to be able to affect the 4T’s inexorable, triumphant, and overwhelming march, and that in reality the EZLN was missing out on an amazing opportunity because for the first time ever, all “ethnicities and dialects” (that’s what he wrote) would be gathered together at once. Laura Bozzo then wrote in her column that Subcomandante Insurgente Moisés’ response was yet more evidence of the EZLN’s sectarianism, and that Zapatismo was wrong in isolating itself from “the poor of the earth” (that’s what she said). She also said that the CNI and the CIG should, as a tactical movement, accept the generous governmental support and take advantage of the opportunity and to study her articles… and follow their mandates.

In the pro-4T social networks the hashtag #fuckingindianssentbysalinas emerged, although it was never clear if it referred to the “bad” Salinas (Salinas de Gortari, who could no longer hide behind the Chanel skirts of Rosario Robles and was instead now in open flight) or the “good” Salinas (Salinas Pliego, who was making a killing with López Obrador’s “Sembrando Vida” cards).[viii]

As a consequence, the National Guard was sent in “to impose order and progress which had been impeded by those criminals. NOTIMEX added “male AND female criminals.”

Pro-4T social media users organized themselves into a patriotic campaign with the genius hashtag #zapatistasoutofmysight (supposedly invented by an influencer who produces soap operas) calling for a mass mobilization to Chiapas to temporarily enlist in the always glorious, heroic, and powerful National Guard. Nobody showed up though, because, according to another influencer, “it’s one thing to sign up for something on your phone and quite another to actually have to travel. —ALV.” This second message got three million likes.

Showing off weapons donated by the US army (when Operation’s Head of Central Command complained to the embassy that the weapons were obsolete, the ambassador responded, “Yeah but you’re just going to fight some fucking Indians, right?”), the shiny new National Guard, which up to this point had occupied itself with extorting migrants and escorting Sabritas, BIMBO, and LALA delivery trucks, made its triumphant entrance into “the bastion of Zapatismo.” NOTIMEX meanwhile, made the correction, “into the hideouts of the sinners (pecadores AND pecadoras.”)

Upon entry, the National Guard only found smoke. The Zapatista communities had retreated to the mountains after setting their houses and harvests on fire. The so-called “Nino Canún[ix] of ecologists” famous for his article “The Decline of Academic Decency and the Splendor of Obsequiousness”[x]  which got him an appointment to the presidential cabinet, wrote an article denouncing the environmental damage caused by the Zapatista stubbornness. “It is unacceptable,” he wrote, “that our brave Guards have to breath that smoke, which also dulls the shine of their new guns and uniforms.”

The supreme leader ordered a freeze on the bank accounts of all the human rights organizations and NGOs that support projects in the area because, as he said, “they’re really just beachheads for the Illuminati.” The Fray Bartolomé de las Casas Human Rights Center didn’t close their doors though. Men, women, and children from the surrounding communities, even from rival organizations and neighborhoods, came carrying chickens, tortillas, corn, beans, vegetables, fruit, a little moonshine, blankets, traditional blouses, skirts, and pants with colors so bright they were blinding. The “frayba’s,” as communities in Chiapas call them, never went hungry or suffered cold and they had enough to even share supplies with other NGOs. One thing though, they did gain some weight.

The Sixth and the Networks [of Resistance and Rebellion] also mobilized. They formed brigades, commandos, and battalions to go fight alongside the Zapatistas. But as soon as they descended from their dilapidated vehicles they were detained and sent to a concentration camp that had been hurriedly constructed in the “Víctor Manuel Reyna” soccer stadium located in Chiapas’ capital.

Just like old times, in this camp communists, anarchists, and those who were neither one nor the other came together. There were tensions and insults, something that would have escalated had it not been for loas otroas[xi] who diffused the tensions. As an act of rebellion, they organized a football tournament (despite the fact that this demonic game had been banned and now only baseball was allowed). The trophy (which in reality was a styrofoam cup with coffee stains inside and the outside decorated with words in all colors and languages) was won by the Loas otroas (which would have made the already defunct [Subcomandante Insurgente Marcos] and the one on his way to being defunct [SubGaleano] so very happy). The National Guardsmen on duty joked, “Oh that’s cute, the homos and the butches won.” Loas otroas challenged the National Guard to a game, and they accepted immediately. Nobody knows how exactly, but when the game was about to start the goals went missing—they had been dismantled (presumably by the other prisoners) and “the homos and the butches” were lined up, each carrying a piece of pipe. The referee fled, followed by the national guardsmen, who forgot to close the gate. All the prisoners [todos, todas, todoas] escaped. They’re still on the most-wanted list.

As a result of globalization, the affair escalated to other parts of the planet. Zapatistas of every color, gender, and language began to appear. The honorable embassies of the 4T in various parts of the world came under siege and police forces in all those countries had to intervene in an international operation that was given the name “Fuck the Zapatistas now”…

-*-

69 times 3 and 69 times 6

The day after the epic invasion by the National Guard, the headlines read “Subcomandante Moisés and SubGaleano shot down,” (NOTIMEX offered the following correction, “SubMarcos-Galeano”) and included a photo of Moisés’ hat and Marcos-Galeano’s pipe and cap in a puddle of what was presumably blood.

The system being the system, advertisements soon appeared making the hat or the pipe and cap available for purchase, so you could take a selfie with them in your backyard, the nearest park, or even just a couple of well-placed flower pots. The Premium package included a bottle of thick red liquid that boasted, “Just like real blood!”

The strange part was that everybody claimed to have acquired “these trophies” (that’s how they put it) in radically different locations. Some claimed they got them in La Realidad [Zapatista territory], others said they got them in La Garrucha, others in Oventik, some said they got them in Roberto Barrios, and still others claimed they got them in Morelia. But that was just the beginning. Soon claims began appearing from people insisting they had shot down the two Zapatistas in other cities altogether. Hours later, other claimed it had taken place in other parts of the world. Even Donald Trump got in on the game, tweeting that he had personally eliminated the two as they were trying to cross the border in El Paso, Texas. Putin couldn’t be outdone and said it had been him but that it had been in Chechnya. Daniel Ortega insisted that it had all gone down in the Monimbó barrio and that “Chayito”[xii] (that’s what he said) had delivered the coup d’ grace.

One journalist from the “fufa” press (that’s a term straight from the supreme leader referring to any media outlet that wasn’t absolutely unconditional in their loyalty, neither fú nor fa, like neither truly in nor totally out—a new term that had to be invented because the previously designated “fifi”[xiii] media were all either in exile, jail, or the cemetery) commented to another: “I’ve counted the ‘confirmed’ deaths of Marcos and Moisés and in addition to the fact that they supposedly all occurred simultaneously at very distant locations, there’s something else that’s strange. “What’s that?” the second journalist asked. “Well, there are 69 of them.” “So?” the other insisted. The first journalist explained, “That’s the number that Marquitos used to use as a pun in his communiques. It seems to be that those two are in fact probably dead or dying—but of laughter.” “You should keep that to yourself,” the second journalist responded, “or you could lose more than your job.”

In Mexico City, the capital of the 4T, a historian finished his most recent book with the following words: “Proof that the Fourth Transformation is indeed underway is that, just as in the three previous transformations, it is built upon the defeat of the indigenous peoples.” And in a burst of spontaneity, he added, “me canso ganso.”[xiv] Thrilled with himself, he rushed off to see his buddy, a progressive bureaucrat who worked in the public, and pro-government, press, to see if he could publish his new book. His bureaucrat buddy said, of course. In fact, they wouldn’t even bother to edit it but rather they would send it straight off to the printer. Isn’t that what buddies are for, he asked? Then he added, “Hey, question for you since this is your area of expertise: could you recommend a psychiatrist? See, I’ve been getting calls from some Elías Contreras, talking in some strange language and the only word I can make out because he repeats it a lot is… asshole… asshole… asshole.” The distinguished official historian of the 4T told him not to worry, that it was probably just a bot, given that the current administration had detected clandestine “call centers” run by conservatives operating through satellites run by the Illuminati. They were just trying to meddle in the impeccable functioning of the impeccable machine of the impeccable 4T.

Meanwhile, in a residential zone of the city of Palenque, Chiapas, the Great Leader and Supreme Head of the Nation, Visionary Driver of the Vehicle of History, Beloved Comrade, Illustrious Guide, Victorious Defender of the Knights of the Zodiac, father of Rhaegal, Protagonist of the Seven Histories, Breaker of Chains, King of the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Nation (nobody dared say his name anymore), was recharging himself with cosmic energy when he got news from his Communications Director : “they’ve killed both of them; the territory that was in the hands of those LUE lawbreakers has been conquered.” The supreme leader and giant of history hurriedly consulted his dullphone (an ingenious invention designed to avoid offending the intellectual level of its owner) and, after gazing reverently at the sky for a moment, tweeted: “glorious arms have been covered by the nation.”[xv]

There was a moment of confusion in the social media. The government news agency NOTIMEX “improved” the original tweet and retweeted, “National arms have been covered with glory.” But given that screen shots were created by the enemies of true change, one of those privileged and fortunate souls who bask in the virtues of the supreme leader developed the most logical response for cases like these: he pronounced that the marvelous and unmatched genius of the superb leader had managed to transform history and give new meaning to its language. The original tweet of the “great shepherd” was not an error, you see, but an insight through which he endowed the original semantics with something uncommon and revolutionary. Social networks erupted in unison into hymns of praise for the dear leader.

That didn’t last long though. The hashtag #abirdinthehandisworthstroking surpassed the patriotic #upyoursfuckingzapatistas as a national trending topic, and life went on, although not as quickly as  death and destruction.

The supreme leader tended to spend a lot of time at his ranch in Palenque. There he and his family could use the train whose construction he had mandated and which allowed him to travel between his birthplace and the beach, all the while throwing blessings and Banco Azteca bankcards out the window. On social media, the 4T influencers insisted that there was nothing wrong with this; after all, Gomez Addams[xvi] and Sheldon Cooper[xvii] liked playing with trains, too.

Nobody else used that train. Those close to those in the leader’s inner circle (try to avoid the echo) claimed that this was for the security of the great leader, but rumor has it that the train was doomed from the start.

While the news of the Zapatista defeat was still fresh and being broadcast on national television, Alfonso Romo[xviii] asked to speak with the supreme leader and presented him with a serious problem: the PARTY (yes, in all caps) was at risk of splitting in the leadup to the presidential election. The divisions stemmed from the fact that both Claudia [Sheinbaum] and Ricardo [Monreal] wanted to be chosen [as the candidate]. Others were threatening to try to run, too. This created a situation that required a bold move. The supreme leader waited impatiently for his proposal. Alfonso Romo, blinded by the light emanating from the supreme leader, squinted and ventured: “reelection.” “Not a chance,” the supreme leader answered immediately, “that would be a violation of the constitution.” Romo prostrated himself and apologized, “it was just an idea.” The supreme leader thought for a moment and said, “although if there were constitutional reforms, it would be my obligation to comply with them.” A smile lit up Romo’s face, “Of course, boss, I’ll take care of it,” he declared. “But be careful,” the supreme leader interrupted him, “first, let’s try a temporary or intermediate measure. How about something like ‘effective voting, not immediate re-election.’ If you see that that goes through without problems, then try something like ‘effective voting, not re-election for more than seven consecutive terms.’”

Meanwhile, reality, which apparently hadn’t studied Alfonso Reyes’ “Cartilla Moral”[xix] or attended AMLO’s morning press conferences, kept delivering its consequences to those who were responsible and those who were not.

On the other hand, in Zapatistas’ very other territory, things were not going well for the occupation forces. After just a few days, rumors and macabre myths began to circulate, saying that Xpakinté, a woman in a long, transparent white dress and with light skin and eyes, would appear at night and beguile the National Guardsmen into murdering each other (the last one standing would shoot himself in the chest). Undefined beings wearing only large sombreros made the machines break down and become useless. In the middle of the night a distant but intelligible chant was repeated “there they come, there they come, who is coming? here they come” with a rhythm strangely similar to that “La Carencia” track by the Panteon Rococo, which the National Guard and the engineers in charge of reconstruction to madness.

The barracks and camps of the National Guard and the offices of the big construction companies slowly emptied out without anybody really realizing it. Nobody ever even knew how many desertions there were; a different scandal rolled through social media and the morning press conferences and everybody on the outside began to forget about the mystical mountains of the Mexican Southeast.

What happened next was documented by the independent, alternative, autonomous, and whatever-you-call-them media: anonymous colorful graffiti began to appear, at first in isolated locations, and then slowly filling the walls and fences of the marginalized barrios of the cities and the wood buildings of the rural communities, which read, “Why so serious?”

That was Subcomandante Insurgente Moisés’ third death, and the sixth for SupMarcos or SupGaleano or whatever you call him. In all they were killed 69 times this time.

The Zapatista peoples came down from the mountains. Nobody understood how it was that they survived those conditions, although it was rumored that they had received clothing, food, and musical instruments from the CNI communities. Upon arriving in their new lands, the Zapatistas did what they always do in these cases: they organized a dance with music from marimbas, keyboards, drum sets, guitars and violins. The Xpakinté and the Sombrerones danced the cumbia “la del moño colorado” [the Girl with the Red Bow], but now with a new melody, as if it were a message from a new world to the old one that was dying, slowly and almost silently, up above.

And that is how the always already dead died once again, but this time in order to live.

-*-

All of this is a real exercise in fiction. It wouldn’t really happen… or would it?

(to be continued…)

From one corner of the mountains of the Mexican Southeast,

Woof-meow.

The Cat-Dog, swatting at the moon (somebody should tell it that that is not the way to convince her… or is it?)

Mexico, August of 2019

Videos:

[i] A reference to Andrés Manuel López Obrador’s morning press conferences that have become emblematic of his administration.

[ii] AMLO has deemed his own governing project the “Fourth Transformation,” supposedly on par with historic events such as Mexican Independence (1810), a period of reform in the mid-19th century, and the Mexican Revolution (1910).

[iii] This and following comments mentioning NOTIMEX are aimed at the news agency’s new director appointed by López Obrador, Sanjuana Martínez.

[iv] A nontrinitarian Christian denomination founded in 1926 and headquartered in Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico. It has been in the news recently as top leaders were arrested in Los Angeles on charges of sex crimes. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Luz_del_Mundo

[v] Alfonso Reyes [1889-1959] was a Mexican writer, philosopher, diplomat, and member of the PRI. He was author of a 1944 text “Cartilla Moral” on civil behavior and morals, which has been controversially promoted by López Obrador and his Secretary of Education, Esteban Moctezuma Barragán, for distribution to public school teachers in Mexico.

[vi] Salinas Pliego is owner of the major retail store Elektra (which, according to Forbes, targets low income customers), Banco Azteca (which, according to Forbes, offers credit to low income clients), as well as the major television channel TV Azteca (https://www.forbes.com/profile/ricardo-salinas-pliego/#2085d88b1346). López Obrador’s government has channeled its aid programs through bank cards issued by Banco Azteca, franchises of which are located inside Elektra stores. Salinas Pliego’s wealth has increase 56% since he earned the government contract for the aid programs, making him the third richest man in Mexico (https://www.proceso.com.mx/579865/fortuna-de-salinas-pliego-crecio-56-3-y-2019-podria-ser-su-mejor-ano-por-programas-de-amlo-forbes). Salinas Pliego is also part of López Obrador’s Business Advisory Council.

[vii] Ermilo Abreu Gómez, Canek: History and Legend of a Maya Hero. University of California Press, 1979, pg 60.

[viii] “Sembrando Vida” is one of López Obrador’s aid programs in which people are paid to work on tree plantations cultivating one million hectares of land in the south of Mexico with invasive and commercializable tree species. See footnote vi on Salinas Pliego.

[ix] Nino Canún is a journalist who appeared at one of López Obrador’s morning press conferences heaping praise on the president (for some 20 minutes) for his openness toward journalists like him, as other journalists booed him.

[x] A play on Victor M. Toledo’s January 15, 2019 article in La Jornada, “El esplendor de AMLO y el ocaso del EZLN” (“The Splendor of AMLO and the Decline of the EZLN”). López Obrador named Toledo Secretary of Environment and Natural Resources in May 2019. https://www.jornada.com.mx/2019/01/15/opinion/016a1pol.

[xi] Literally “The Others,” otroas combines “otros” and “otras” to allow for a range of possible genders.

[xii] A reference to Daniel Ortega’s wife.

[xiii] The term López Obrador uses for any media outlet that critiques his administration. Literally it would be something like calling them “bourgie,” but he uses the term universally for critique from any direction.

[xiv] A colloquial phrase used frequently by López Obrador which implies that what was promised will be carried out, whatever it takes. It was recently used in reference to a controversial change in the Federal Law on Parastate Entities that would allow historian Paco Ignacio Taibo II to become Director of the Fund for Economic Culture in Mexico.

[xv] The famous phrase, “Las armas nacionales se han cubierto de Gloria,” or “The national arms have been covered with glory,” was written as a one-line telegram from Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza to Mexican President Benito Juarez upon defeating the French Army on May 5, 1862, in the Battle of Puebla, a historic moment in the war to turn back the French invasion of Mexico.

[xvi] The patriarch of the original cartoon and later TV show, The Addams Family.

[xvii] Character from The Big Bang Theory.

[xviii] Lopez Obrador’s chief of staff.

[xix] See footnote v.